FEEL YOUR FEELINGS
"Feel what you need to feel and then let it go. Do not let it consume you." – Dhiman
Feelings! Yes, let's talk about them. I've had a journey in embracing my feelings and emotions over the past few years. Initially, I allowed my feeling to consume my life completely. No matter how I felt, I let my feelings guide my day and my thoughts. It was exhausting, and many people started to judge me for it. Some even making me feel like most of what I was feeling was just an "AP problem." I thought maybe they were right. Something had to be wrong with me. I just wanted to be "normal." So, I decided I would ignore my feelings and emotions.
Ignoring feelings is not only unhealthy mentally but can also negatively impacts you physically. My personal experience resulted in years of health complications – consistent nausea, headaches, increased blood pressure, hives, chest pains – to name a few. I also gained about 30 pounds. 30 pounds don't sound like much, especially over a few years, but the weight gain was the wake-up call for me with everything else going on. I had to do something different. Being "normal" was not working for me.
HEALTHY FLOW OF FEELINGS
For years, I'd allowed others to make me feel that me being "emotional" was a bad thing - that I needed to change myself. While those changes made others more comfortable, they made me sick. I was making myself sick trying to be "normal." I read the book – The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck and decided to stop giving a f*ck Lol. I chose to live authentically – to embrace my emotions, feel my feelings, just be me. However, this time around, I would not let the feelings consume me. I continue to learn how to process my feelings and emotions healthily and reframe when I need to. Of course, it's easy to do this with more pleasant feelings. The unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings require a little more work. Here are some of the healthy habits I've developed for processing my more uncomfortable feelings:
Don't let others tell you what you're feeling or why you feel it. If you allow others to define your feelings and the reasoning for them, you're allowing them to create your narrative – which probably better serves them than you. Why give someone that much power? Instead, take the time to get to know yourself- understand the feelings and emotions you're having and why? The more you know yourself, the less others' narratives will impact you, and the more confident you will feel in correcting their misassumptions without frustration and anger. People are always going to have their assumptions about you. Many times it's a reflection of the things they dislike within themselves and less about you. Let them fight their own battles with themselves instead of using you as a crash dummy.
Let the feelings wash over you. As you take time to process your feelings, don't try to fight them or push them down. Just acknowledge them and let them wash over you. I was once told the struggle is in the fight. This statement is so true when dealing with any feelings or emotions. The more you try to fight them or push them down, the more it seems like a struggle. This struggle can manifest itself mentally or physically. Combat this by grounding yourself in a safe space, then take some time to let your feelings freely wash over you.
Don't dwell in your feelings. Once you take some time to acknowledge your feelings and let them wash over you, release them. How? Thank them – yes, thank your feelings - and let them go. Take a deep breath in, and a big exhale out. Let out a big sigh as you are exhaling. As you are exhaling, imagine yourself releasing whatever feelings are there. It sounds weird but, trust me, it works.
Deal with whatever is remaining. If you are dealing with uncomfortable feelings or emotions, you might notice a little tension in your body after exhaling. Take the extra time to do a mental body scan. Identify where the stress is in the body and use your breath to release it. A simple series of audible inhales and exhale are sometimes exactly what you needed.
You might be thinking, "ok, AP, these are great steps, but how do I apply them?" Meditation, of course. Meditation is a great way to identify, process, and release your feelings. Not sure how to meditate, I provided a couple of tips in my meditation blog post.
Remember - Regardless if you identify as male, female, or nongender, you are entitled to your feelings. Your feelings are there for a reason and valid. Feel what you need to feel but don't let those feelings consume you. If you need extra help processing your feelings, don't be afraid to check in with a therapist. Sometimes hearing a professional say your feelings are "normal" and valid can make all the difference.
